Loved
by Taylor Hayes
Summary: After Snape takes over as Headmaster at Hogwarts, it takes one person to keep him together. SSLL. Don't like, don't read. Do like? Heck yes, read!


**Loved**

a/n So, I read a really good H.P. story, and it turned out to have been written by a Snape/Luna shipper. And before I knew it, I had been kidnapped and found myself happily sailing along on the same ship. This is the result. And it's a bit scattered, but I think it captured what I was aiming for.

A spell was whispered, and it flew out, hitting fifth year student Luna Lovegood, and the small, dreamy blonde fell heavily to the floor, the items she was carrying flying across and out in every direction. She knew they still expected her to become angry or perhaps cry. But that simply wasn't Luna. Instead, she began gathering everything up. Then she heard a familiar, angry hiss. Looking over the corridor, she wasn't at all surprised to see the bad-tempered, disliked Potions teacher grabbing the arm of the girl who had tripped her and softly spoke, tone scathing. The girl went white and nodded frantically. Satisfied, the teacher spun, ignoring the troublemaker and sweeping over to Luna's side. He pulled her gently to her feet, all the while keeping his face tight and angry. With a wave of his wand, her possessions gathered themselves into a pile and floated effortlessly before her. When she reached out to take them, the man rolled his eyes. "Miss Lovegood, I would prefer you not clutter the halls with your _things_." His voice was icy, but there was a twinkle in his eyes that Luna knew she was the only one to see. Following his words, he conjured up a shoulder bag big enough to fit all the items and thrust it at her.

It wasn't the only time that Luna had noticed Professor Snape watching out for her.

The first time had been second year. An older boy had run into her, scattering all her books, notebooks and quills. Then he'd stepped on her hand when she had gone to pick up her things.

Before anyone could do more then giggle, the boy was shooting back against a wall, and bearing down on him was Professer Severus Snape. Who looked like a giant crow swooping over, his shadow covering the boy.

It had happened occassionally after that. Proffesor Snape would be nearby when someone would hurt Luna, and the next thing she knew, he was fixing her up and giving mulitple detentions to whoever had caused her harm.

Everything should have changed in her sixth year. Eveyone else believed it had. That was the year Voldemort took control, and the Callows came to Hogwarts, and Harry Potter and many others had fled.

And Severus Snape was named Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

And many things did change. But one thing did not. He still protected her.

Addmittedly, it was much more subtle now. He was careful that it did not appear to be favoritism, or like he actually cared for Luna. But she saw the truth, just as she always had.

At dinner, Luna discovered she could find his eyes watching her. And she returned his secret look with one of her own. One that said she knew.

Even if the specifics were outside of her knowledge and grasp, she knew Professor Snape. He was no more evil then he was a Nillywitted Skolgat. (Although, if it turned out he _was_, she would have to inform her father that they had been all wrong about the lack of shapeshifting abilities.)

He was a man who had made mistakes, and was sacrificing everything to make it right. And she could not hate him for that, no matter what that meant he had to do or say. Dumbledore had _always_ trusted him. But even before that, Luna had trusted him.

She admitted to herself, when she sat in her dorm room one night, curtains drawn, trying to ignore the other girls angry words, that perhaps she had always loved Severus Snape. She had known since the very first day of Potions class that the man was more then he appeared. And then, from the first time he had protected her from the bullying she had become accustomed to, that he was a protector of the weak. It was as clear to her as the Tikvas that liked to visit the Thestrals, that he had known what it was like to be the prey of those with more strength and less control.

As she had watched the change in him in the past term, her heart had filled with pride and pain. He was always tired, always on edge, rushing about and trying to protect the students from the worst the Callows could come up with, while trying to make it appear part of some scheme for Voldemort.

So when she found the opportunity to steal a few moments with him, she took it.

He was heading into his office, eyes distant, shoulders hunched, when she crept up behind him, invisibly following him through the door (the password was "asphodel") and into the office like a shadow.

Then he spun and shouted "_Oriortis!_" The look on his face twisted in the instant he realized it was no attacker, but rather the daydreaming girl who's glances of faith he had come to rely on in the past months.

"Miss Lovegood." His voice was hushed, barely more then a whisper. And she could see him trying to make it harsh, cutting. It was a failed attempt, and she smiled softly up at him.

"Hello, Professor."

"What are you doing here, Miss Lovegood?"

She didn't answer. Instead she walked closer. He was shocked when her cool fingers rose to trace his face, and brush at the dark cirlces beneath his eyes.

Not a word was spoken, but the look in those bright blue, unflinchingly loyal eyes made every fear and doubt and worry go quiet.

Without a syllable exchanged, she caught his hand in hers and led him over to the large, comfortable chair beside the fireplace and sat him down in it.

When she pulled away, the loss of her touch was like opening the floodgate that held back reality, and he wanted to coil in on himself.

Then she was back, with a tea tray in hand. Depositing it on the table, she poured him a cup, adding the exact amount of sugar and cream he took in his morning tea, stirred it smoothly and slipped it in to his hands.

The heat was welcome and oddly comforting.

After fixing herself a cup, she curled up at his feet, leaning her pale head against his knee. Without consciously making a choice, his long fingers reached down and brushed over her silver hair. And the soft sigh that escaped her to reach his ears, similar to the purring of a cat, gave him a sense of peace he had never felt in his life.

From then on, it became a habit. He was surprised to discover that Miss Lovegood had far better sense then he would ever have given her credit for in the past, and their silent meetings never happened on any kind of schedule.

She would simply watch him, as the days passed, and when he was looking utterly worn and ready to surrender, Luna would slip into his office, make tea and wait for him to return. And they would spend anywhere from a few minutes to hours, sitting quietly and peacefully before the blazing fire in the hearth.

In many ways, she reminded Severus of Lily. Just like his childhood friend, Luna was kind and understanding. She could share a range of emotions and thoughts without saying a thing, and was brilliant, when her head wasn't in the clouds.

But there the similarities ended. Lily had been fire and excitement, and Luna was stillness and tranquility. Where Severus had always gone away from Lily's presence craving more, but tired, he was much calmer and balanced after time spent with the strange Ravenclaw. And as much as he had always missed Lily when they were apart, when Luna was away from him, he felt almost a phantom pain, as though he had lost a piece of himself.

It slowly dawned on him that this quiet, odd, insightful girl was keeping him sane. And she loved him.

It should have been a shock the day he finally realized her feelings for him. They had been sitting in his office, and after glancing at the large clock on the wall, her eyes had rested on him full of such tenderness and sadness, he had read exactly what she was thinking without a word uttered.

She loved him.

He wanted to correct her, tell her he was not the type of man worthy of that kind of affection and care. He was a traitor and a murderer. How could she love him?

She was brilliance and dreams and color in a world of darkness.

And yet, even as huge thought to protest, the look she gave him cut him short. She would not hear what he would say. And of everyone, perhaps only Dumbledore had ever better understood and known Severus Snape. If she loved him, despite it all, he needed to respect that.

There was a similar day just before the students left to return home for Christmas. She had finished packing early, then snuck up to the Headmaster's office. Murmuring the password (_"turnips"_, and didn't that secretly make her want to fly and grin and dancee, as she touched the vegetable earrings in her ears), she slipped inside and found him standing with his back to the door, staring into the roaring fire, hands clasped behind his back, shoulders slumped forward.

In anyone else's eyes, he would seem a great, hulking shadow blocking the light from the room. But Luna only saw how tightly his hands were clenched and the way the warm gold of the fire outlined him.

"Professor?"

It was the first time either of them had ever spoken to one another in the room.

With a jump, he spun to stare at her, his face a puzzle of shock and consternation and anxiety. "Miss Lov-"

But she was already across the room, leaning up to softly brush her lips over his. The letter was silently delivered into his hand, and he brought his unoccupied fingers up to skim slowly down her cheek, brushing away the tear that slipped between her lashes.

Taking in a small breath, he leaned close, pressing his face to hers, and whispered, so soft they could barely hear, "I love you."

That impish twinkle from days past appeared in her eyes, overtaking the ache for a single moment, and she smiled and responded, just as quietly, "I always have. You always will." And the confidence of her message made him believe every word.

That night was spent curled in the chair, snuggling together with the whispy blonde held tightly in the foreboding man's lap. She counted every heartbeat, her ear pressed hungrily to his chest. And he blessed every moment he could touch her and be this close to her.

Finally, they both knew it was time. Without a sound, but tears slipping down her pale face, Luna Lovegood smiled up at her protector and dearest friend. And Severus Snape focused down on his sanity and light.

Both of them assumed this would be the end. The way the cards of fate and the future had been dealt, it was more then unlikely they would have any other time together.

Another kiss passed between them, passionate and full of feelings that had been building for far too long.

He could taste the sweetness of her breathe and the salt of her tears, and she smelled like sunshine and cotton candy and innoncence.

She could feel the strength of his wiry hands wrapping around her cheeks, and her lips and tongue forever memorized the taste of tea and good intentions and bitterness mixed inescapably with brilliance.

Then she left.

It was much later that he finally pulled the letter from the pocket he had made invisible, untraceable, and unfindable. The pocket was inside the vest he wore each day, and always Luna's final words for him were beside his heart.

The day he read the missive was the day he had arrived at the Malfoy's to discover the girl he loved was bein held and tortured at the hands of that insane bitch Belatrix. It had taken everything he had, and the smallest look from Luna, to remind him of his cover, and that killing the murderous psycho would not do any good in the long run.

When Luna had miraculously escaped, along with Harry Potter and his two friends Granger and Weasley, he had breathed an inaudible sigh of relief.

Hurrying back to Hogwarts, he had rushed into Dumbledore's- no, _his_ office, and opened the envelope he had carried all this time.

Sinking into the chair, the words were a balm, bestowing him with a measure of the peace he used to know, but which had been taken when Luna was.

"_Dear Severus,_

_I know that I should be appropriate and polite and call you "Professor Snape", but it seems to me that we passed that point a while back._"

He paused in his reading, picturing that familiarly bright smile that appeared before those irreprissible giggles she had often enough burst into during Potion's Class.

His eyes returned to the honest scrawl, with the eccentric quirks.

"_But that's probably not important right now, among other things, like that it's currently the mating season for Flumgibbered Twooks, or that I'm beginning to think the Carrows are quite jealous of my Butterbeer necklace, since they keep trying to confiscate it..._

_I've gone off on a tangent again! I apologize for that._

_What I really meant to say in this letter is really quite simple. And it is this: no matter what happens after this moment, no matter where you are or what you are forced to do, no matter what happens to either of us, I will never stop loving you._

_And I know you don't understand it, but then I don't understand how you can love a crazy girl like me. I'm smiling right now, in case you haven't already guessed._"

He had indeed, and it brought a similar smile to his face.

"_Don't forget that what matters is not what happens, or what you are made to do. What matters isn't if or who dies, or how things end- (although I really would prefer _not_ having to live the rest of my life under You-Know-Who's doubtless horrible rule) what matters is that you do not forget that there is good in you. That there will always be the core of you, the man who I fell in love with. Severus, don't let yourself believe they can take that from you. They can't. Even you can't. You may think you've lost it, or hidden it, but it will always be there. Just like the love I feel for you- it's eternal._

_I love you, Severus Snape._

_~L.L._"

And the man who had spent his whole life believing he would never be worth anything finally had his soul fill with the peace of one who knows they are loved.

**_fin._**

a/n I kind of want to add to this, but that would require rewriting the last H.P. book to my own satisfaction, and I just don't have the focus. *laugh* Still, let me know it you liked, please.


End file.
